My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
