I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
