Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
