Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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