problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Randomize
