Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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