I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
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