and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I love having hate sex.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
