Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
