Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I touched a dick in church today
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
