I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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