we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Found your dick twin last night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
