Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
