You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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