I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
