Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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