those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
