Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
