Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
