Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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