dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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