1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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