what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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