Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
