he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
