make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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