dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
