Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i now understand why vodka
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
