quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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