did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
