he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
