Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
