when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
