Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
