hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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