I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just want to make out with him forever
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
