Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
