you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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