omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
