yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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