either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
