Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
