We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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