just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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