If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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