It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
