Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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