Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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