There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
