I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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