Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
