i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
